Weird dreams are made of this
by rabbitontherun
Summary: Sam has always had strange dreams - but that they left scars was somehow new. Sam/Balthazar fluff/mystery. Takes place somewhere in Season 6, Spoilers for "My heart will go on". first Fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is my very first fanfiction – I'm obviously just starting to learn how to write, so feedback and tips are very much appreciated.

English is only my third language so please inform me if there are problems with grammar and/or spelling, I'll try my best to work on that.

If you're completely against depiction of sexual/loving acts between two males I'd strongly advise you to turn around now. This is not porn but you probably won't like it anyway if you can't see the beauty that is pairing hunters with angels.

I don't own anything but the crazy idea that popped into my head as I got my eyebrow-re-pierced.

* * *

He'd always been a bit of a trainspotty dreamer, sometimes living a crazy butterfly-effect behind closed eyes. Somehow creating even weirder alternatives to his life in the few hours his brain let him escape his world of demon-hunting, cheap hotels and magic tricks, seemed to be his way of dealing with it. It hadn't always been that way, but if his only choices were watching HER die over and over again or wandering in alternatives that Gabriel would be impressed by, he'd always choose the latter.

Sometimes they were even fun. He remembers one dream in all the pretty details -including waking up laughing- in which Gabriel had been brought back after his death, now living as a part of the cupids. It had been fun to watch him scream in terror about the invasion of privat space that was every greeting.

The Hunter was almost used to absurd things like Raphael teaching him maths in elementary school, three female Castiels killing a group of Vampires, Bobby as a demon stuck in on of his own devil's traps, hell even being killed by an Angel that was the exact replication of his brother - all kinds of crazy but nothing as unusual as this.

He was sitting on the lap of a slightly disheveled looking Balthazar, who hold his right arm across his naked chest and pressured Sams back into him. The other mans mouth was close to his left ear whispering sweet nothings and promises to "heal it immediately".

What the fuck was he talking about? And where the hell were they? And why oh why, did it feel so comforting to be pressed against an angel he wouldn't even consider a friend?

"You know I'm going to laugh out loud if you do more than flinch, mate"

That was the moment a heavily pierced guy entered the room. His hands were gloved and he was carrying a weird looking long needle and a small silvery thing. To his own surprise Sam didn't get up, ask what this was all about or threatened to kill Balthazar if he didn't let go of him this instant, he just smiled.

"So you're ready now?" the guy asked.

"Yep, do it."

"You might want to grab your boyfriends hand, this is gonna hurt like hell for a few moments" The piercer smiled at him and placed his hand on Sams right pectoral. " Now just take a deep breath and close your eyes." The moment the needle came out on the left side of his nipple dragging the piece of metal with it, he bit on his lip. Trying very hard not to let that tear fall.

"There. It's done. Now here's a disinfectant for you at home" he handed over a small bottle. "You should try to not let it catch on anything …. in the first few days I advise you to put a band-aid over that and... well..." the piercer looked kind of embarrassed "..the rest you probably know."

"What? What else is there to know about this?" Sam asked a little confused.

"Darling, I'm sure he's referring to that whole open wound - no contact with all kinds of bodily fluids thingy...-" the hunters mouth fell open at that, his face becoming a bright red when Balthazar assured "We'll make sure to be careful for a while. Thanks mate"

He grinned at both men and started redressing his companion.

They left the shop and walked down a dimly lit street until an exclusive looking french restaurant appeared on their left.

"After your astoundingly depiction of bravery and heroism and yada yada yada I thought a good meal was in order. So, would you honor me with this date?" He looked at Sam with a laugh in his eyes that melt hearts instantly and the male found himself captured, unable to reply in any other capacity than a nod and a smile at the angel.

He barely noticed the snap of fingers that changed his usual jeans and shirt into a black Armani three-piece. He didn't really notice how the british stared for a good few seconds at his doings, obviously not totally pleased. Then he changed the dress shirt into a tight fitting light blue t-shirt and continued to stare concentratedly.

"I swear you have the worst fetish like obsession with clothes I've ever witnessed in a male" Sam tried to break the concentrated stare and closed the few feet of distance between them with step towards the door.

"If you want to discuss all my fetish in extend we can have that arranged for later, love" The smaller man winked then entered the restaurant, finding amusement in the reddish color of embarrassment in his partners face.

The following hours passed in a comfortable mixture of little bits and pieces of small talk, delicious food, heated gazes, supposedly casual touches, a few laughs and about two bottles of wine. The latter leaving one of them more than a little tipsy and a bit thankful for the strong arm around his lower back guiding him home.. or more precisely to a deserted street that allowed Balthazar to zap them into a posh apartment.

"Now sit down handsome giant and take off your shirt. I need to touch you for this to work" They sat down beside each other on the bed and the angel placed his hand on the chest and closed his eyes.

"Do you have an idea what anyone would want to do with purgatory?" the question was posed as others would inquire about the weather or the neighbours cat. Probably because talking about horrors like that was just more common than the ordinary small talk for both. The Blonde looked irritated.

"Do you wish for this to heal neatly AROUND your piercing or do you want me to embed the metal as little pieces into your flesh? Give me a moment!"

Sam had the tact to whisper a quick sorry and shut up after that. He concentrated on the hot hand just above his heart and almost instantly felt a slight prickling surrounding the metal in his chest. As he closed his eyes he felt like he was seeing the remaining hurt cells heal one after another. It was a whole new kind of weird - somewhat like watching a microscopy close up from a cell-biology-documentation in reverse- nothing like monster or angel mysteries but almost scientific. It felt strange.

When he opened his eyes Balthazar was staring at his chest, and both were noticing breaths leave their bodies in perfect synchrony. "I've never had anyone watch this- how do you do that mate?"

"I have absolutely no idea"

"Ever peeked in on our beloved trenchcoat's healing?"

"No...but when that happens I'm usually busy almost dying..makes concentration kinda hard to find..." He trailed of unable to provide any helpful information.

"Hmmm, curios how that works. But that's not important right now." His face showed a devilish smile as he pushed Sams upper body down onto the bed an straddled his thighs. Leaning onto the hunters abs biting and kissing his lips and neck, he worked down his way to the left nipple, pulling a bit at the fresh implemented answering groan and upward push of hips was more than enough to cause the angel some happiness

"That was important."

"That I was completely and utterly right about you getting off on me violating your nipple like that"

"Oh shut up"

A hand forced Balthazars mouth back onto the hunters. It kept guiding his head through a few heated and somewhat sloppy kisses until Sam flipped their positions and took off Balthazars shirt in a quick move.

Kissing down the hard chest and toned abs he reached the fly. His hand moved to drag it down, grazing the inside of the angels hips making him squirm as something changed in the air and an irritating buzzing noise could be heard. First it was only quiet but then got louder and louder. When he opened his eyes Sam found himself in a motel room he didn't recognize and noticed a call to his mobile just being redirected to his voicemail.

He took a few calming breaths. Tried to grasp what had happend or rather had not happend. He had a hard time arranging his thoughts, but after a few seconds his first -and very distinct thought- was to take a very cold shower. Right now.

Undressing on the way to the shower and stumbling over his bag he tried to bury this uneasy feeling that it wasn't the first time he'd dreamed about something like that... or about exactly that with Balthazar and him.

He had almost reached the shower head when a small but bright reflection caught his eye.

He turned to the mirror and couldn't belive what he saw.

" What the hell? BALTHAZAR get down here NOW!"

* * *

So, what do you think? More? Never write again? Let me know! And have a nice day, evening, night.. wherever you are ;)


	2. no answers, only scars

No one told me to stop writing yet, so here's part 2.  
Disclaimer: Supernatural does not belong to me. I just play with its characters... and the story/dialogue of 6x17 "My heart will go on".

Reviews that might help me improve would be wonderful. All other kinds of reviews as well. come on people I know you can type! ;)

* * *

_He turned to the mirror and couldn't believe what he saw._

_" What the hell? BALTHAZAR get down here NOW!"_

He hadn't thought this through, he realized, as the angel appeared right behind his naked form and took a few seconds to check out the callers backside. He should at least have put on some pants.. Sam sighed and then questioned " What did you do?" He pointed at his pierced nipple as he reached for a towel to wrap around his hips.

"I just appreciated the view mate... oh" then the angel espied the little metal balls surprisedly "oh that.. I wouldn't have thought it would transfer to this reality...hm." he shrugged. "Is there another question you have for me? I was in the middle of something"

"I don't think I've had my first answered" he stared the smaller man in the eyes. "Tell me, how come I have a fully healed piercing when a few hours ago I did not?"

The blonde appeared to be thinking for a short moment " oh now I .. still don't have a clue! Look, I'm not responsible for whatever it is you dream about, or how that stuff affects your waking every-day life. And although I know, see and hear much more than you do, I'm not exactly a magic eight-ball. So, sorry. I still got that thing to do so...have a nice one, love." He disappeared and left an enraged and confused hunter behind. Sam took a few calming breaths and slipped under the shower as he heard Deans keys in the door.

He didn't have time to research possible causes for his unusual dream-reality-mixup in the following days, didn't even find the time to think about it. All other parts of the dream, that didn't concern the new body jewelry, Sam decided to ignore. He was not interested in an angel - never could be. They were even more duplicitous than demons and after all he'd been through, he was sure he'd never go anywhere near there again. Not relationship-wise, not sex-wise, not crush-wise not for anything that wasn't strictly business. There was no need to think about the dirty blonde.

The brothers were hunting a particular nasty pack of vampires and between young kids disappearing, a couple of walk ins with an evil spirit that seemed to be protecting the vamps and research there were little hours of sleep. But neither the shortness of the dreams nor Sams decision not to think about him kept Castiels friend away. Not all dreams were starring him, but the better part was. And he remembered all of them.

One time they were playing chess close to an open fire discussing the pro's and con's of being a hunter - especially an almost emotionless stated " we never would have met" kept replaying in Sam's mind after that. Another time he saved the angel from death by killing Ruby. In a third they met as strangers on a queer party in some dimly lit club, dancing and writhing against each other before they even asked each others names. In the one dream that stayed with Sam the longest he didn't even show. And maybe that should have been a warning sign.

Dean and him were just outside of some small Louisianan town, in an old farm that seemed to be the home of an old women's spirit. They were searching for any kind of remaining hair or personal item since burning the bones hadn't stopped it at all.

They had just finished burning a hairbrush upstairs when they noticed that a group of demons was closing in on them. They tried to escape from the house when a quick count revealed that there were at least 7 of them, but they never made it back to the stairs. The brothers fought with everything they had and kept swinging fists but the last three of the group just wouldn't die or give them any chance for flight. Sam and Dean's attacks became more and more desperate before wings could be heard in the wind and two demons turned into bright yellowy lights.  
Sam was up and running toward the angel he thought responsible within an instant. When the bodies fell to the floor to reveal Castiel behind them, a sharp disappointment forced Sam to his knees. It flooded his senses so strongly that he didn't even hear Dean cry out, didn't feel the demons' knife in back. All he felt was loneliness and all he could think was "he didn't come". Castiel took care of the demon as well as Sams wounds, but he couldn't even notice or thank or anything. He cried for Balth to appear and slipped into a kind of broken catatonia that he had trouble letting go of, even after waking up safe in his bed. When Dean asked him two days later "what the fuck was wrong with him" he claimed feeling sick and calmed his brothers anxieties that parts of hell were revisiting him.

Days kept on, monsters were hunted, Bobby was visited and mysteries regarding purgatory were not solved. Then a chain of freakish deaths and golden filaments without any apparent magic involved took place. After a call to Ellen Sam started investigating this boat..the Titanic. And when he spotted the first mate in an old photograph his stomach churned – it was him.

But he couldn't call for him. Just today he had woken up with a few scratch marks on his back and a hickey just above his hipbone that had him wondering how he could not remember the dream. When he woke it was the first time in a rather long while that he didn't even have an inkling what he dreamt about. Once he had passed the mirror he'd had a pretty good idea- without knowing anything for certain. Had it been Balthazar? Or maybe Ruby? Did he remember one of the girls he used in his soulless days? Or had it been someone (something?) else entirely? He didn't really want to have that mystery solved- well except for the little part in his head that kept wondering if the right name or face might trigger memories... and wondered if they were worth remembering.

He could most definitely not call him. But the first mate of the Titanic was officially the only lead they had and it would take Dean an hour max, until he came across the information and he would insist on questioning the angel. And he would be right. There were lives on the line- thousands of lives.  
He took a deep breath, reopened the tab he had just closed in his browser and tried his best to sound surprised when he came to the first mate I.P. Freely.

"Well, that's not suspicious. You got a picture of old Freely?"  
Dean asked making his way over to Sam at the table.  
"Ah, you've got to be kidding me" he turned the laptop toward his brother who just grumbled out the name "Balthazar" Only minutes later all summoning-ritual supplies were ready and lit with a match. The characteristic flickering of lights assured that everything was working correctly.

"Boys, boys, boys, whatever can I do for you?"

"We need to talk" Dean didn't even try to hide his anger about probably not working a real case but just being mixed up in angel-stuff again. The angel noticed instantly " You seem upset Dean"

"What the hell with the boat Balthazar?"

"What boat?" He stared in Deans general direction. "The Titanic" Sam interjected.

"Oh, yeah the Titanic. Yes, well, uh, it was meant to sink, and I saved it.

"What?" Sam was irritated to say the least.  
"Well it was meant to bash into this iceberg thing and plunge into the briny deep with all this hoopla, and I saved it. Anything else I can answer for you? "

"Why?" He just didn't seem to be able to ask more than one-word-questions, it appeared.

"Why what?"

Dean tried to stay calm, the angel was apparently willing to give them at least some info, it wouldn't do any good to scream at him. "Why did you un-sink the ship?" The Brit's answered, with lots of laugh and facial movements, talking about a movie and a lounge singer nobody ever heard of. It seemed an illogical thing to do- to change history because of some aversion to a movie. Then something hit him -changing history, that was something forbidden- if he remembered correctly.

" Okay, I didn't think that was possible. I thought you couldn't change history." Sam stated.

"Oh, haven't you noticed? There's no more rules, boys."

Sam just couldn't belive that was his explanation. He scoffed "Wow. The nerve on you. So you just, what, un-sunk a giant boat?

"Oh come on. I saved people. I thought you loved that kind of thing." Balthazar almost turned his head in Sams direction but seemed to decide against it the very last second, instead he continued staring at the smaller brother and the surroundings.

"Yeah, but now those people and their kids and their kids' kids, they must have interacted with - with so many other people, changed so much crap. You totally Butterfly-Effected history!"

Then the angel proceeded to explain that his change of history only changed little details. Nothing important just cars and small things and oh Ellen and Jo's death. Sam noticed the angel talking much to the floor and walking around explaining. He heard him talk but the words didn't really register. The hunter couldn't wrap his mind around the supposed deaths of Ellen and Jo, even less about the nonchalance with which the blonde refered to it. Or his absolute emotionless on the topic of thousands of possible deaths.  
They needed to know who was after the descendants of the survivors and if the would need to warn Ellen and Jo- something might be after them as well. They needed to know more. Dean explained that in much detail and asked as amiable as possible for some leads but to Balthazar it appeared to be a joke.

"You have me confused with the other angel - you know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. I... don't care. Goodbye, boys." with that the angel vanished.

"Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait. Son of a bitch! Dean walked the length of the motel room five times before hissing out " Asshole!"

Sam found that summarized his feelings very well.


	3. a short break!

AN: so I've been sick and university's been kicking my ass -that's why it took a bit longer.

I'm still crazy for reviews, so please if you have anything to say about this, any idea that helps me improve my writing -please let me know.

By the way: I'm thinking about changing the rating up to 'M' because somehow Sam's dreams tend to get sexual when I think about them...

* * *

Dean had been walking up and down the length of the floor for a fifth time, before he spoke again  
"And dude, are you invisible or something? I swear he didn't even look at you once... thinks way to highly of himself."

"who knows" Sam tried for nonchalance but some mixed emotions were definitely showing. Was something wrong? Had he angered Balthazar? And why did he care?

"I'll go to the city archives and find out how many of those titanic-descendants live here. Could you give Bobby and Ellen a call, tell them what we found out. Maybe they have some lead by now... or they might get ideas when they hear about the unsinking of the ship..." the younger brother almost ran outside. He didn't want to think about the angels weird behaviour any longer. They were on a case. Lives were in danger. That was important.

Hours later Sam had a list of more than 100 names, all belonging to people who were born in Chester and were somehow related to a Titanic survivor. Now the "fun part" of finding out who had moved out-of-town, changed his name or had already deceased could begin.

He felt tired after scanning another billion pages of registers and promised himself a coffe break somewhere around the Millers family, which was about the middle oft he list.

Dean called somewhere between Granger, Louise and Hallaway, Peter to inform him about another death. He wanted to check the crime scene for golden filaments and Sam agreed that he should go alone- there was too much research to do for him to join. And they wouldn't find anything out of order beside the gold anyway...

The hunter was staring at the scrawl of a marrige registrar for more than a few minutes now and was getting more and more agitated – how was he supposed to help Miss Cathrin Lenner when he had no clue what her last name was nowadays? And what did it matter? The list was way to long anyways. It was impossible to protect more than 10 people in a town this big from some unknown danger they didn't even know and after almost-half of the list he had already 18 candidates. Maybe he should just stop and find a way of killing the thing... But what if Mrs Cathrin Ber-something was the next victim? If he didn't do everything humanly possible that would be another death on his hand. His soul just couldn't let him give any less than everything somehow possible.

He was just beginning to wonder how much more effective he must have been as a hunter without the soul, when there was movement in front of him.

"Now that's not a thought I want to see in your head darling- here" the familiar blonde handed him a to-go –cup "Have that fancy cappuchino-choclaty-stuff and let me help you get your mind of all that" his arms gestured at the table filled with documents and crossed off lists.

"Thanks" he sipped a bit of his hot beverage. "Ooh God" he moaned out " you're a lifesaver"

"Sometimes." the angel winked and showed that somewhat arrogant wide smirk.  
"Let's take a walk" he extended a hand to the shaggy haired and let them outside. They turned a few corners without speaking a word. When they reached a very woodsy park Balthazar slipped an arm around Sams lower back "you know, you'll miss out on all the beautiful things in life if you just sit and research and hunt and kill. You should take time to relax every now and then."

Relax when more and more people were dying freakishly around him -how could he? Sam wondered.  
"You know that what I do is important -I -I get what you're saying, but right now I need to get back -the list won't finish itself...Dean's counting on me... but thanks for the coffe I appreciate it." He turned into the opposite direction, starting his way back. But Balthazar turned up right in front of his face, stopping him.

His hand reached up a bit and brushed a few bangs back. Then he rested his hand on the side of the taller mans face. "let's not fight. I know your work is important and I promise I let you back to it after a short walk?!"

Beautiful eyes were captivating him and soon Sam noticed himself nodding. The angel placed a short and chaste kiss on his lips and let his hand fall down. They walked side by side staring at colorful flowers and incredibly green trees until a little ice cream shop could be seen.

Sams eyes lit up almost comically "I'm going to get some serious sugar. You want something too? Do you even eat ice cream?"

" Yeah I actually do" he opened the door for Sam "After you."

When Balthazar entered the room only seconds later it was very different from what he expected. Call him crazy, but he had expected a few tables and chairs, some nice or grumpy waitress and well, ice cream. Not a lecture hall with at least 400 pairs of eyes fixed on him and a board filled with equations and technical drawings to his left. Before he could process anything or try to search for the hunter that brought him there, he started explaining a rough sketch at the board.

"So what happens at the anode? These electrons arrive – they're very, very fast. The turn into photons by means of two different processes. We've already covered so I'm not going into too much detail but know them.

What we're interested in right now is the following: can we see these different processes of conversion in the spectrum of the emitted photons? Yes we can! When you look at this" -he was waving a laser pointer in a projected spectrum above the middle row of boards "you have this wiggly kind of spectrum – this continuous thing is created by the bremsstrahlung. And please remember it's "Bremsstrahlung". Not bremsstrahlung radiation. Generally, physicists aren't well-known for their skills in foreign languages and I am aware that most of you don't care for linguistics but please accept that „Strahlung" is german for radiation and bremsstrahlung radiation means basically breaking radiation radiation and that's just a linguistic horror and plain stupid. Now back to the spectrum: we have the continuous signal from the bremsstrahlung and then we also have these delta-peaks they are the characteristic emission of the atoms of the anode. So you can guess already from the name "characteristic radiation" that they are a distinctive feature for the material used -which is often tungsten. Does anyone know another common material?"

He waited for a few seconds and let his gaze wander around. "No? How about molybdenum? What do we use these kinds of anodes for? Or the K-alpha-line of molybdenum to be more exact?"

"Mammography?" a girl in the middle of third row more questioned than answered. A pretty blond in a cute dress - but more interesting next to her a young Winchester smiling encouragingly at her. He looked happy and so much more carefree than Balthazar had ever seen him -it was almost heartbreaking. He gathered his thoughts "Yes Miss, that's correct" he answered, still staring.

When he turned around to the board again he couldn't concentrate, not really.

" I think that will be all for now- to anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of a class on atom physics or basic spectroscopy techniques I recommend reading about characteristic emission, energy levels in atoms and related topics – you might want to use the Halliday or Giancoli for the basic ideas. See you on thursday."

When the students left Balthazar let out a few deep breaths and began wondering how he ended up spending his free time teaching physics in a dream world. When he noticed the head of a certain giant leave the room he decided to follow. He wasn't really sure if there was another possibility for him at all. As soon as he reached the door, the hallway morphed into the citys library. In it Sam was walking down an aisle to an abandoned table.

"Luv, you have to know that there's something wrong with you, when even in your dreams you walk back to work"

"Balthazar?" the hunter turned around looking rather surprised. "I thought you were needed somewhere?"

"Huh? Honey, I don't know what you think you're dreaming but just a few seconds ago you and me were living through some xray-physics-course"

„No, i wasn't: I was taking a break, walking down the park -then you disappeared from my side -wait! What did you say about dreaming? I'm awake, working a case! And I've never been in a x-ray physics course. I wouldn't even know what to dream about that." he seemed a bit confused.

"The blonde in the blue sunflower-ed dress seemed to be worth dreaming up that moment" the angel argued.

"Jess?..how?"" Sam didn't understand a thing the angel was telling him. "I'm awake, just coming back from a break to my current case. What you described might be a memory of mine...Jess was thinking about changing her minor to physics or some other science and I came along for one or two classes...maybe it was about x-rays. What I'm sure of is this: you weren't there and I didn't tell you about this before. So how could you know what she was wearing?"

"And how could you possibly be sure that I wasn't there a few years back? There were like 400 people in that lecture hall. How do you want to ascertain that it wasn't my dream? How do you even know you're awake?"

"I know you weren't there! okay?" Sam was getting really enraged by this conversation. "I'm sure. You most definitely weren't there. I would have noticed you." he blushed a light red.

"cause I'm that memorably handsome?" the blonde smirked

"yeah, oh no. I meant." his face was turning more and more red "I meant that I remember a lot of loose plaid button down shirts and long hair... someone in skin tight jeans and v-neck with an actual hair style would have stuck out"

"So, I'm simply too hot to be a physicist?" The blonde liked to turn the hunters words around -especially when it was this easy.

"SAM" a loud, annoyed voice could be heard. It seemed to come from someone just between them although nobody seemed to be around. "SAM wake the fuck up I've got a lead"

When Sam looked up he was sitting at his table, documents of the cities archives surrounding him, his head resting on some books. And Dean was starring unnerved at him "you finally awake?"

"Yeah, sorry Dean." He got up and stretched a bit "You've got a lead?"

"Told you, you were dreaming!" Balthazar materialised right beside Dean, giving him an almost-heartattack.

"So i've noticed, but thank you for pointing it out" Sam answered annoyed.

"Well someone's in a bad mood. Anyways, I've got things to do. So until next time boys!" and with a soft echo of wings unfolding he dissapeared.

"I hate it when they just pop in and out" Dean stated staring at the spot no longer claimed by the angel.

"Ditto. So you had a lead?" He noticed his brothers questioning glance but he really didn't want to discuss the implications of Balthazars statement. His dreams were not a topic for general discussion and analysis. They were private and belonged to him only ….well at least most of the time.

* * *

a short comment: I am a girl -non-plaid-wearing physicist and I didn't mean to describe physicists negatively. I just looked around in my surface physics -course and decided that my depiction is realistic. if you're a physicist -please don't feel offended!


	4. cold

**AN: **I hope you forgive me this rather short chapter and enjoy it. It's the first few lines I managed after a really bad case of flu and writers block... I'll try to manage another real chapter before the end of the year!

Thank you to **Prongs Padfoot and Mooney CO **for writing the very first review! It meant very much to me to get feedback.

* * *

Deans lead sounded like a joke at first.

" They die because of fate – really?" Sam had asked and started wondering how they hadn't met them before. They probably had too many people to kill he concluded.

As it turned out pretty fast, fate was a real bitch. Well at least the one they met – she actually tried to kill them - simply because they avoided the apocalypse... It seemed she needed things in order, much like the librarian type she looked. Sam and Dean both considered the implication of her job and the unsunken Titanic and tried to compare it to a not-happened-apocalypse. But both were unable to understand her anger. They had accepted that some people - people being used in a very loose sense of the word – would have prefered the promised end of the world, but they couldn't keep up with the ever-growing list of those unhappy and possibly mad at them for preventing it.

After being almost killed, Castiel decided it to be safer for them to stay in the middle of nowhere until "things were sorted out". It sounded a lot like he was going to kill the blonde, with which the Winchesters we're very much okay. Only the "waiting room" was problematic. Castiel had just left them in a small cabin outside of nowhere in the Russian snow. Even with a now stronger fire burning it was still cold and the brothers really hoped that the situation would be over soon.

At the same time on a Tibetan mountain top Balthazar was walking up and down a small path he had created in the knee-high snow, silently cursing his friend. Castiel always ordered him to places in the middle of nowhere and seldomly showed up on time. He was actually freezing, growing more agitated by every minute in the unusually uncomfortable state.

Finally he saw wings at the horizon coming closer.

The dark-haired began talking before his second foot touched the ground.

"Brother, I need to ask a favor of you. Atropos has become aware of the Winchesters and has decided to correct the past. She is sworn to kill them... I.. I can't be around all the time watching out for them, I am not certain whether she might be able to find them even right now... I have a contact who might have a weapon. But it will take time and I... I don't know what to do or whom to trust …." he trailed of, unable to continue. Unsure how to. He wanted to keep them safe, couldn't lose them now. But he had a war to prepare and a million things to coordinate and he couldn't trust very many angles. Not when the Winchesters were concerned at least...

"You need someone to protect your boytoy, that it? You want me to make sure Atropos doesn't kill little Dean" Balthazar couldn't hide his amusement about Castiel asking him to play bodyguard for his not-quite-boyfriend.

" She's after both of them. Simply out of spite...They've done good. They deserve protection. If you can't see that then... I've obviously come to the wrong friend"

"Cassie, calm down. I trust you and I'll look after them. I'd just like you to realize that you have an abnormal interest in their safety...the safety of one of them to be more exact. Maybe think about a way to ...resolve..some things.." he stopped after a particular annoyed stare of his brother.

"It's okay. I'll be there and watch out and stuff" he shivered. "And next time, friend, let's not meet in this effing cold."

"You feel the cold? Are you all right? You shouldn't be bothered by the cold..." He watched the other angel and his shivering for a moment "Something might be wrong with your vessel..." he considered different reasons but seemed unable to understand Balthazars' sensitivity.

"My vessel is all right. I like it and I'll stay in it. Just because you can't grasp most human needs and sensitivities, doesn't mean I am somehow broken. I 'll play bodyguard now -if you give me an address - and you can have the fun of killing Miss know-it-all"

Castiel nodded, handed Balthazar a piece of paper and disappeared into the sky.

The blonde took a moment before he teleported to the given address, silently cursing Cass for another trip into cold, snowy, nowhere.

* * *

I'd be very happy if you left me a short review! Have a nice weekend!


	5. Entertainment

**AN:** I know, its way past new years... sorry .. I'm trying to atone by posting this longer chapter. Hope you forgive me. Enjoy!

* * *

Balthazar stood outside the little cabin and contemplated going in. He didn't need to be inside to protect them and dealing with Deans rather foul mood was definitely not a prospect that made him want to enter. He looked around for a few more moments before finding a rather resigned and frustrated look on Sams face. Suddenly the decision was all to simple.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx inside xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sammy this is really getting old real fast. No television, no internet, not even books or food and absolutely no alcohol... I get that Cass wants us save and all ... but it wouldn't have killed him to leave some whiskey - would it? Or some of that russian vodka or... anything... "

Sam just shrugged "Way I see it, we can get some hours of sleep, enjoy the not-dying... we've had worse.."

"True" they continued staring into the fire.

"Ev'nin Boys. I heard you booked the 24/7 entertainment package for your holiday in the freezing wild?"

"What do you want, Balthazar?" Dean asked irritated by his presence.

"What do I want? A more interesting job, a good Merlot to enjoy with that special someone, a holiday somewhere sunny and warm possibly with a nicer person to entertain... "

"So you're our babysitter? " Sam asked.

"Might as well be. Cass calls it bodyguard -but I really don't want to hear either of you intone Whitney's "I will always love youu-uuuu" so... babysitter or entertainer is the preferred job description."

"Great. Mr Entertainer, could you please tell us how long we are expected to stay in our little cabin just south of nowhere?" Dean didn't like the blonde showing up and felt frustrated that Cass wouldn't make time to protect them himself. Or at least talk to them for more than fifteen freaking seconds.

"Darling, that's between you and your feathered boyfriend. I have no fucking clue." Dean was getting more and more aggravated. In stressful times, others mentioning the rather strange friendship he had with the Angel, did annoy him more than anything else.

"Well then, how about some dinner and then we'll see." Sam tried to calm his brother down.

"Okay, that sounds like a plan. Let's eat " the angel shrugged. A second later two salads with salmon, and a burger with fries materialized on the table. Beside them a bottle of chardonnay as well as a beer appeared. The blonde sat down and filled his own as well as the glass next to his with wine.

The brothers stared for a short moment before accepting the offer and sitting down.

"This is actually pretty good. Thank you" Sam said in Balthazars generall direction after a few minutes. The blonde just stared in his eyes for a moment and nodded.

Something felt familiar to Sam but he couldn't put his finger on it.  
When moments later Balth streaked his left hand shortly while reaching for the bottle of wine, his mind provided an explaining image. The food and wine were exactly what he had ordered in the restaurant the angel had taken him after the piercing... blood rushed to his face as he remembered the kissing and biting that followed later that night... or in that specific dream to be more exact. Thankfully no one noticed his absent mind and colored cheeks and everybody continued eating.

Afterwards Balthazar only had to pose one question to decide the course of the rest of the evening and to immensely improve Deans mood. "Alright then, who's up for a round of poker and whiskey?"

A few hours later Sam stood up and threw a few cards on the table. " All right, I'm going to bed right now. luck's somewhat not on my side today."

"How can you tell Sammy? You only lost all your chips ... twice..." Dean commented with obvious delight.

"Thank you for reminding me. Good luck " he clapped Balthazar on the back, went through the nearest door, took off his shoes and jeans and slipped under the covers of the bed.

His heart was beating wildly since Balthazar smiled bright and raised an eyebrow only seconds ago.  
Why had he touched him? And why did every one of his goddamn smiles look/feel like a sexual innuendo ?  
He heard his brother and the angel talk in the other room and started to wonder how different this stay outside fates immediate reach would be if either one of them where missing. He tried to imagine whether Balth would talk to him or if anything like the stuff of his dreams would take place. He wondered if he would allow it in case Balthazar offered. From this question onward his mind wandered over a hundred things and nothing really before he finally fell asleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean finally had a good hand and waited for the blondes call.

" Ah bloody hell" he exclaimed, laying his cards down. Dean smiled, but before he could revel in that sweet little win his opponent disappeared without any trace.

"Figures" he said annoyed to the stool. He emptied his bottle and decided to try the shower Balthazar had added only a few hours before to their "waiting-room".

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Balthazar only felt a soft tug on one of his feathers and before he knew what it was the table in front of him disappeared and he almost fell into a chair in a rather dark corner of a student bar.

"So your major is art and minor religion? Whats the story behind that combination? I mean it's rather ... unusual, isn't it ?" Sam said sipping his coke and smiling awkwardly.

"I'm interested in the beautiful things in life and religion" the blonde shrugged " well and I always wondered about the power people hold over others simply by proclaiming that they know a way to save them...  
Why'd you take law out of everything? "

"Well I want to be able to change lives. Help the people that need somebody to stand up for them ... it.. sounds naïve. I know." the student blushed.

"No Sam it sounds really like a good motivation. Can you answer me one question though?"

"Shoot!" Sam answered his acquaintance, who suddenly looked much less like an enthused fist semester.

"Why do you keep pushing me into these roles ? Why do you twist your memories and try to integrate me in them?" Balthazar asked obviously curious.

" I'm not doing this. It's just dreams. Subconscious... "

"I get that. I just wonder why you so literally re-enact. So whose position did I take this time? It obviously wasn't that professor again. Was I the blonde in the sunflower dress?"

The hunter smiled a little strained. "No, you weren't her. I would never replace her. I was talking to David in here. Just a few weeks after I started college that's ... almost a lifetime ago" Sam said.

"And David was..." Balthazar waited for further information and when he didn't get them decided to ask more directly " Who was he? come on give me some details mate!"

"We lived in the same dorm and he was in my american history course... I think I met him the first time at tryouts though" Sam explained with a faraway look.

"And after tryouts you went for a few drinks and then went at it like bunnies? You fell in love and he broke your heart? Or whats the real story here?" The angel was annoyed by Sam leaving out the interesting parts – as if it mattered more where they met then what happened afterwards.

"No we didn't. And he didn't. But he was in fact the first guy I dated. It only lasted a little while, though."

"So you, disobeying soldier-son did a little bit of experimenting in college. Good for you." Balthazar smiled a little more " What did the family say?"

"They never knew. Dad and I didn't talk and Dean... well I never told him."

The blonde only raised an eyebrow in question.

"It's none of his business. Plus dad was pretty clear on "rainbow-lovin' faries" he laughed "actually that would have been a reason to tell them back then..."

"Sometimes one really needs to piss his dad off. Belive me, I get it. I'm still waiting for any reaction from mine..." He sighed.

"You think there'll ever be one ? " Sam asked truly interested.

" I doubt it. Maybe when everything goes to hell and his pets...and most of his creation are killed... maybe he'll move then. Return to heaven. But who knows? I seriously doubt that he'll ever talk to me... the only one I knew, loved and trusted that ever heard something directly from him was Gabriel. And their last conversation was over 17 hundred years ago. He hasn't cared for a really long time now."

"Were you and Gabriel ...?" Sam trailed of, disbelieving but with a distinct question in his voice.

"Don't sound so shocked. We served together for almost thousand years. Helped each other through some really hard times and his true form was simply amazingly beautiful. Don't underestimate him because of his latest, rather unspectacular vessel. If you'd seen him before, you would have agreed that he was one of the most beautiful beings to walk the dimensions. You just find me attractive because this vessel appeals to you- it has not much to do with my real form."

" What is your true form ? Is it your grace and wings? Or do you have a... body... a face ?"

"That depends. Essentially I am nothing but my grace - but most of us choose some form or another... there was a time I enjoyed being a saber-toothed tiger... I had a Tamandua episode." Balth smiled " Maybe that was my fist rebellion. That I didn't prefer human vessels from the very beginning" He paused "to beings that aren't high enough in the food chain to recognize grace, my true form is whatever I vessel choose, I suppose.  
What is your true form? Is it the law student you remember in your dreams? Are you the hunter? Deans little brother? The Devil's vessel ? Azazels favourite boy? Your battered and taped-together soul? This body?"

"I am just me" Sam replied shrugging " mostly soul and hunter nowadays, I guess... can we ...maybe just talk about something else."

"You could tell me more about David."

"Or" Sam answered, standing up "I could challenge you for a game of pool."

"You could, but why would you? You stand no chance against me!" Balthazar said following him to the table. Sam abruptly turned arround and leaned in close to the smaller mans ear. "This is still my dream, it goes as I please."

* * *

You love? You hate? Leave a review and let me know!


End file.
